Love Wins Relationship & Communication Coaching Blog

Author: Dr. Jen
Read time: A quick one!

Communication is something we are constantly doing, even if we think we aren’t. There is an awkward academic phrase I used to teach to my students about this fact:

“You cannot not communicate.”

Communication is not just your words, but also your action (or inaction), your tone of voice (or your silence), and more! And, it turns out (from my vantage point anyway), most of your daily communication is relational in nature. Meaning, the act of communicating is doing the work of building, maintaining, or terminating the relationships in your life. 

On any given day, you speak to and spend time with a few different groups and individuals. You wake at home with your family (perhaps even just you and your dog!), you go to work with your colleagues, you might go out after work with some friends, and end the day back at home. In all of those places, with all of those people, you are building on the relationship that is already in place. And occasionally throughout each day, you encounter some new people and have the opportunity to begin building a new relationship. 

This is what I mean when I say (almost) all communication is relational. Everything you say and do, throughout each and every day, adds to an existing relationship or starts a new one. New friend joined the group at happy hour? The small talk you engage in sets the beginning of the tone for your potential new friendship. Meeting with your regular team for a touch-base at work? This group interaction likely continues along the path you’ve already paved with this team in terms of what roles you each play, and the expectations you have for each other. Spending quality time with family mornings, nights, weekends? You’re showing each other your true selves and what matters to you with every word, look, touch, question, and answer.

I want to encourage you to start thinking about communication as though it is a vehicle that brings you along the journey that is your relationship. This framework might help you be more intentional in your communication. Where do you want this relationship to go? What do you want the journey to look like, feel like, and be like? Do you want the relationship to be open, warm, encouraging, and filled with trust? Your communication needs to be as such! Is the relationship feeling tense, heavy, conflict-laden, confusing, and hurtful? Use your communication to turn things around! 

Communication is a skill. That means you need to think about it, practice it, learn from your mistakes, and keep working at it. Communicating effectively is a well-earned super-power. Effective communicators are thoughtful about their words and actions. Effective communicators are self-aware and self-reflective enough to understand where their communication is “coming from” and they contemplate the impact their communication has on those around them. Honing your communication skills to become more effective will ensure you have happier and healthier relationships anywhere you go. And as a direct result you’ll be happier and healthier, too!

Follow along as I unpack some of the big and little topics I wish more communicators knew about and practiced. This is just a start. But let’s begin the important work today!