Love Wins Relationship & Communication Coaching Blog

Author: Dr. Jen
Read time: A somewhat quick read!

Anyone who is seriously considering starting up a coaching commitment with a professional should want to know what their potential coach will do to best facilitate the desired coaching outcome. My approach has one cardinal rule:

Advise what the research indicates is the proper course of communication/action for the situation.

I spent two years reading peer-reviewed journal articles and books, studying, and doing my own research to get my Master’s degree in Interpersonal Communication at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee. I then immediately went on to spend four more years of reading, studying, and researching to get my PhD in Interpersonal and Family Communication at the University of Iowa. As a result of those rigorous, and incredibly intense, research-centered six years, I know there are research-identified common patterns and habits within our relational communication that will lead to trust, happiness, and longevity within your relationships. Which also means I know there are common patterns and habits that will lead to relationship demise and misery.

When I first take on a client, I begin with a series of self-assessment tests (more on that later). I use the results from those assessments to help me get a baseline idea of what my client might be subconsciously bringing to their communication, their relationships, and what skills they possess/lack. I walk my clients through their assessment results and explain why I need to know this information about them before we even begin our coaching journey. If I am truly going to be able to help you, I need to know what we are working with. Not to mention, I firmly believe that self-awareness is a key piece of the coaching journey.

After the initial assessments are done and we move into active coaching sessions, my job is to listen and observe while my clients talk to me, and their partner. I’m looking and listening for the good habits as much as I am looking to see if any of the bad habits exist. From there, I offer guidance to my clients regarding how to think differently about their approach to their partner, and ideas on how to say things differently. This guidance goes hand in hand with the self-assessment results, as well as additional research that indicates what happy/healthy and long-lasting relationship communication should look and sound like. I tailor my coaching advice to focus on tactics and strategies that individuals will understand and be able to take on, based on their assessment results. I offer tweaks to communication approaches that are incremental in nature. We aren’t trying to re-build Rome in a day and crumbs make a cake! The last thing anyone needs, during the coaching process, is to be overwhelmed by the prospect of making edits to one’s thoughts and actions. We go for baby-steps and progress that grows chapter by chapter, step by step.

Here’s where the client comes in. I am simply the coach. The client needs to do the work. Imagine being on a basketball team. Your coach would put you through try-outs to see what sort of player you are, then welcome you to the team and help you learn the plays, strategize when to use certain moves, and engage you in practice to hone those plays and moves. Relationship and communication coaching is no different than being coached in a sport. I engage you in self-assessment to see what kind of communicator you might be. I then watch and listen to see what skills and tools you already have in your toolkit. Then I offer ideas for new strategies, and ask you to practice with me in our sessions. Outside of the sessions, you need to keep practicing and come back to report how things are going. From there we might double-down on our approach, or make a few tweaks. On and on we go!

Celebrating success is just as important as doing the work. I love nothing more than sessions where clients get to tell stories of when things just “clicked” or they felt they really “turned a corner” with their partner. It’s even better when the partner is in the session, too, and they get to chime in and agree. We celebrate your successes, while also keeping our foot on the gas–there is always room for even more improvement. Understanding that you always have room for growth should make you feel empowered, not daunted. You have the power to grow and change. Tap into that power and the sky is the limit! Successes will come to you at a different rate and pace once you have begun the journey of self-growth, self-awareness, self-expansion, and self-acceptance.

If the above resonates with you, and you want to start your relationship and communication coaching journey, contact Love Wins Relationship & Communication Coaching and let’s being that important work today.